just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
