my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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