you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
