I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
