I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
