Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
ok first of all what the fuck
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
