Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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