I smell stomach acid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
