You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
