Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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