Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
