Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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