I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
