I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The feeling are messing with the penis
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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