if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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