We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
