he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think a kid would responsible me up
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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