The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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