office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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