Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my liver is dry heaving
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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