Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
