I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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