Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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