You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
