Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
