That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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