Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
