You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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