is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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