I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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