BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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