First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
