I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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