Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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