Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
