ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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