i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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