Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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