Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
