This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
