I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize