You don't have asthma, your pregnant
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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