can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
