How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
