Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize