everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
