On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
