So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
