dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
