Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
