When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I deserve to be covered in dicks
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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