College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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