Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
