Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
