I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
