i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
