i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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