when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
