I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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