I puked a lego.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
