During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize