Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
