I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
