I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
