College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
