i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
