That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
