I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
