I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
