I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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