Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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