Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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