Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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