youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
