Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
