i think my mom watched the whole time
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
