I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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