why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Less talking, more tequila
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
